Those of you who know me know that I drive… ummm…. enthusiastically. Not crazy, not like an asshole, mind you. But I do like to get out in front of traffic without driving too aggressively to enjoy the limited open spaces of our suburban Austin roads.
So I am driving home, it’s a Friday afternoon and MoPac was it’s typical parking lot around 4:30 so I just relax and enjoy O&A on my iPod as the traffic crawls north at 15 MPH. Soon enough I get off the highway and onto surface streets and into the middle of three lanes. And lo and behold, up ahead, the lane at the light is free of cars.
“Cool, I get first in line.”
But as luck, and traffic, goes. A truck pulls into the middle lane and a silver Camaro with some writing on the trunk lid, shoots quickly across two lanes of traffic to claim the, just emptied, right lane.
“Oh well…”
I pull up behind the truck and notice what is written on the trunk of the Camaro, “Super Bitch.” And hanging out the window, Super Bitch’s weathered arm dangling a cigarette.
I was about where the silver SUV is in the street view below behind a pickup truck, Super Bitch is in the same place as the white truck in the right lane and we are stopped at that light.
The light turns green and the truck takes off and I follow close behind, leaving Super Bitch sitting at the (green) light with a butt still dangling from her outstretched claw. Obviously lost in thought she leaves me plenty of time to scoot around the pickup to the right and get into the mostly empty right lane, JOY!
A minute later Super Bitch comes screaming up my tailpipe slowing just barely in time to avoid slamming into me. And what do I see in my rear view mirror but the Finger Gesture of Fertility shaking angrily at me right in front of her face.
OK, so I slow down just a leeeetle bit just so she knows I see her and blow her a kiss in my rear view mirror. And immediately forget about her.
We cruise through the light at Kramer and I pull up to the light at Metric Blvd in the middle lane behind a line of three or four cars. And I notice that Super Bitch has pulled up to my left and is slowing with me, no doubt trying to get my attention. Not wanting to egg her on any further I maintain eyes front. She stays next to me ignoring the two car gap in front of her while we wait out the light.
The light turns green and I let her pull ahead of me so I can get in behind her as I have a left coming up quickly.
She flashes me the Finger Gesture of Fertility one last time and I blow her one last kiss as she rockets ahead and I make my left into my development.
Wasn’t that nice of her to provide me with some unexpected entertainment on my drive home tonight?
One thing though, I think that maybe that Super Bitch on her trunk might be a little… Ummmm… understated.