On Women Over Forty

6 Mar

You probably have friends who pelt you with jokes via email that they got from a friend, who got it from a friend, who got it from a friend, and so on. Mostly I have already seen them. This one arrived just today from a friend who rarely sends me the stuff I have already seen. Usually she sends the good stuff. This one struck me. It is supposedly by Andy Rooney. I don’t know for sure. But it sounds like something he
would write, so I figured it would be best to credit him here, just in case.

Many years after this was written a reader (Bob) drops out of the sky and points out the error of my assumption by way of a rather well known rumor debunking site Snopes.com and an article that shows that this was actually written by Frank Kaiser. Thanks to Bob and apologies to Andy and Frank.

When I am looking for a girlfriend on an online dating site I generally restrict my searches to women fairly close to my own age, unlike some of my friends to whom anyone over 30 is “old”. Dates with women much younger than myself generally just don’t work for me. I would love to be proven wrong but so far women (much) under 40 just don’t click with me, usually. Andy Frank puts in writing all that I believed but never sat down and really thought about. I guess that’s why he is the [more] famous one.

 


 

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If an older woman doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it’s usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing ruby red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido’s stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she’s lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her younger cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

Originally posted before I added WordPress to this site. Published date is approximate.

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