(this was originally posted to my MySpace blog)
I seem to be at least mildly addicted to Craigslist. Every month they post a best of. One of the best of last month I enjoyed the hell out of. It was posted in the W4M (Women looking for men) personals area. HERE’s the original. I decided to try my hand at it and write one just like it. I have stolen unmercifully from the original. Hopefully it is different enough to keep me from looking like a total asshole. (yeah right)
- I’ll make you laugh
- I’ve never been to a live sporting event nor watched one voluntarily on TV
- I can cook (and more than just chili, though my chili is damn good)
- I won’t look in your medicine cabinet
- I give kick-ass foot rubs
- I will go to foreign films with you
- I don’t watch “cops” and no one I know has ever been on “cops”
- I shower every day
- I look much better than my pictures
- I don’t care about your girls night out
- I will shop with you, but watch for my eyes glazing over
- I don’t have any relatives in Austin. So no lunch with mom!
- I don’t care about your guy friends (except if they have ‘benefits’)
- I live a drama free existence, except for what can be found on TV
- I’ll watch a girly movie with you but not 2 in a row
- No tattoos or piercings (me, that is)
- I’m a damn good kisser
- I am not weird, merely lovably eccentric
- I generate a lot of body heat, great if you like to sleep with the window open
- I’ll open doors for you
- I will never be mean to you or use my superhuman powers of sarcasm to make you feel bad.
- I have a GPS in the car that I can ask directions of
- I don’t speak Spanish but you can whisper it in my ear
- I think Anime is creepy
- I used to live in NJ. No I never met Tony Soprano
- I once used “Bosphorus” in conversation
- My family is remarkably sane, cool and free of drama
- I won’t demand you watch Deadwood with me
- I am always on time or early
- I’m not a competitive macho idiot
- You’ll look great in my t-shirts
- You are always the most attractive woman in the room
- I won’t demand that you shop only at Victoria’s Secret, but will be happy if you do.
- I can name all of the Beatles and know Ringo’s real name and who he replaced
- I can name the lead singer for the Foo Fighters and what seminal ‘grunge’ band he played drums for
- I am remarkably free of prejudice
- I have an ‘irrational’ dislike of politicians
- I can fix your computer
- I ride horses for fun
- I smuggle snacks into the movie (because it’s fun, not because I’m cheap)
- I’ve never gotten into a fight
- I haven’t smoked pot in a long time and never did anything harder
- I don’t like martial arts films (Chuck who?)
- I can subnet your network
- It doesn’t bother me if you have a drawer full of dead batteries in your bed stand
- I don’t care if you wear an old t-shirt and sweats around the house.
- Favorite drink: tepid hot dog water
- I can separate the whites, lights and darks
- I don’t own a truck or a motorcycle
- I have a bike rack for two
- I can’t sing but I have a really great speaking voice.
- I don’t like ‘Ranch Dressin’
- I am not the jealous type
- I’m the kind of guy you can introduce to your friends and family
- I may have already won the lottery
- I smell good
- I drive a stick, you can drive it too
- I have a spare toothbrush in my fairly clean bathroom
- I know not to trust the liberal media
- I know not to trust the conservative media
- I can’t stop (re)writing this
- I will send flowers
- I have never been on a milk carton
- I can properly pronounce Burnet, Waxahachie and Manchaca
- I’ll pump your gas
- You’re ‘Just What I Needed’
- I quote from 70s and 80s songs
- I won’t eat off your plate
- I have female friends, I don’t sleep with them. Promise.
- I won’t run out of gas
- I don’t have a belt buckle “Big As Texas”
- I know the difference between to and too
- I should really stop writing this soon
- I stopped watching Gilmore Girls years ago
- I have strong manly hands
- I have tools and know how to fix things
- I’m not afraid to call a pro when I am in over my head
- I am really good at making lists
- If you have read this far you have invested too much time anyway, so why not