79 reasons

29 Jan

(this was originally posted to my MySpace blog)

I seem to be at least mildly addicted to Craigslist. Every month they post a best of. One of the best of last month I enjoyed the hell out of. It was posted in the W4M (Women looking for men) personals area. HERE’s the original. I decided to try my hand at it and write one just like it. I have stolen unmercifully from the original. Hopefully it is different enough to keep me from looking like a total asshole. (yeah right)

  • I’ll make you laugh
  • I’ve never been to a live sporting event nor watched one voluntarily on TV
  • I can cook (and more than just chili, though my chili is damn good)
  • I won’t look in your medicine cabinet
  • I give kick-ass foot rubs
  • I will go to foreign films with you
  • I don’t watch “cops” and no one I know has ever been on “cops”
  • I shower every day
  • I look much better than my pictures
  • I don’t care about your girls night out
  • I will shop with you, but watch for my eyes glazing over
  • I don’t have any relatives in Austin. So no lunch with mom!
  • I don’t care about your guy friends (except if they have ‘benefits’)
  • I live a drama free existence, except for what can be found on TV
  • I’ll watch a girly movie with you but not 2 in a row
  • No tattoos or piercings (me, that is)
  • I’m a damn good kisser
  • I am not weird, merely lovably eccentric
  • I generate a lot of body heat, great if you like to sleep with the window open
  • I’ll open doors for you
  • I will never be mean to you or use my superhuman powers of sarcasm to make you feel bad.
  • I have a GPS in the car that I can ask directions of
  • I don’t speak Spanish but you can whisper it in my ear
  • I think Anime is creepy
  • I used to live in NJ. No I never met Tony Soprano
  • I once used “Bosphorus” in conversation
  • My family is remarkably sane, cool and free of drama
  • I won’t demand you watch Deadwood with me
  • I am always on time or early
  • I’m not a competitive macho idiot
  • You’ll look great in my t-shirts
  • You are always the most attractive woman in the room
  • I won’t demand that you shop only at Victoria’s Secret, but will be happy if you do.
  • I can name all of the Beatles and know Ringo’s real name and who he replaced
  • I can name the lead singer for the Foo Fighters and what seminal ‘grunge’ band he played drums for
  • I am remarkably free of prejudice
  • I have an ‘irrational’ dislike of politicians
  • I can fix your computer
  • I ride horses for fun
  • I smuggle snacks into the movie (because it’s fun, not because I’m cheap)
  • I’ve never gotten into a fight
  • I haven’t smoked pot in a long time and never did anything harder
  • I don’t like martial arts films (Chuck who?)
  • I can subnet your network
  • It doesn’t bother me if you have a drawer full of dead batteries in your bed stand
  • I don’t care if you wear an old t-shirt and sweats around the house.
  • Favorite drink: tepid hot dog water
  • I can separate the whites, lights and darks
  • I don’t own a truck or a motorcycle
  • I have a bike rack for two
  • I can’t sing but I have a really great speaking voice.
  • I don’t like ‘Ranch Dressin’
  • I am not the jealous type
  • I’m the kind of guy you can introduce to your friends and family
  • I may have already won the lottery
  • I smell good
  • I drive a stick, you can drive it too
  • I have a spare toothbrush in my fairly clean bathroom
  • I know not to trust the liberal media
  • I know not to trust the conservative media
  • I can’t stop (re)writing this
  • I will send flowers
  • I have never been on a milk carton
  • I can properly pronounce Burnet, Waxahachie and Manchaca
  • I’ll pump your gas
  • You’re ‘Just What I Needed’
  • I quote from 70s and 80s songs
  • I won’t eat off your plate
  • I have female friends, I don’t sleep with them. Promise.
  • I won’t run out of gas
  • I don’t have a belt buckle “Big As Texas”
  • I know the difference between to and too
  • I should really stop writing this soon
  • I stopped watching Gilmore Girls years ago
  • I have strong manly hands
  • I have tools and know how to fix things
  • I’m not afraid to call a pro when I am in over my head
  • I am really good at making lists
  • If you have read this far you have invested too much time anyway, so why not